Get it together.

     Twice the Lord says to Job, "Gird up your loins like a man, I will question you, and you declare to me" (38:3 and 4:7, NRSV). The NIV says, "Brace yourself like a man;" ESV states, "Dress for action like a man;" and NKJV says, "Now prepare yourself like a man." Does this mean something?
     The Message interprets the phrase as, "Pull yourself together, Job! Up on your feet! Stand tall!" This to me is an image of a drill sergeant. Like, we have to be at a tension in order for God to communicate with us. Is this true, or is this just a sign that what's coming next is especially important? I don't know about you, but when I'm greiving grieving, I have a very difficult time standing tall. 
     Chapters 38-40 are seeming to be God's retort to Job's incessant woes. Not that Job isn't merited--I would not have held myself together as well in his shoes--but God just lays it out for him in a "Look, here's the deal: I am God; who are you," type of attitude, talking about how he commands the skies, the seas, the mountains, and the animals, etc. These three chapters just brought a whole new complexity to my idea of who God is. I always picture the white robe, with the facial hair, 40 feet tall, with a 10-feet foot smile, glowing, and moving his hands ever so gently, in a supine, cupped, holding-a-puppy position, so as to say, "Welcome." HA! That's an All-American God right there. This is a very "Stop pussyfooting around and get it together, you hot mess!" type of God. 
     All in all, I don't know what to do with this. I guess, pull myself together?! God, this is so counterintuitive counter-intuitive to the idea and image I hold of you. Thank you that my knowledge of you continues to grow each day. I don't know understand why stability is necessary. I've been told so many times before that I can accomplish nothing without You, yet Your word is leading me to believe that I've got to have it together. Is that what this means? Please, give me the wisdom and discernment to apply this to my life, my love, and my relationship with You. In your Son's name, Amen.

Replaceancy

     I have to start every Bible reading with a prayer. Not "have to" as in a ritual, or belief system, but to ask God to help me focus on the words in front of me. Today's was, "God, help me focus, meditate, and relate. Thank you."
     I'm still reading Elihu's responses to Job (chap 35-37). He totally called Job out, saying, "Job opens his mouth in empty talk, he multiplies words without knowledge," 35:16. I'm beginning to think that Elihu is in fact the wise one, despite his age, or lack thereof.  This gives me great hope. I'm also still failing to see how Job is ever so faithful, and am finding Elihu to be boss of this book At this moment, Job has not lived up to the faithful man his reputation sets out--but I feel that may change after some encouragement from this young man.

"The godless in heart cherish anger...They die in their youth and their life ends in shame." 36:13-14 He also allured you out of distress into a broad place... and what was set on your table was full of fatness (v 16).
     I was raised in a household of anger, violence, and poverty. We went to church every Sunday, my mother, my brothers and I. Basically every other moment in our home was filled with anger, hate, fear, desperation, longing, and a small amount of brotherhood between the siblings. It was a long time before I recognized that these feelings and the concept of God and Church were incompatible. It's actually something I'm still working within my heart today.
     Anyway, I somehow caught some luck in the parent divorce/mom-turn-around timeline, and got caught up with a church that helped me find a relationship with God on my own terms. My brothers were not that lucky, I have huge doubts that Dick can physically walk into a church, and I'm honestly not sure where my mom stands currently. I am still very much on that journey today, and though no day is perfect, I have been so blessed since that point in time. I have not gone without, and have had excess that has helped me to accomplish everything I have. To me, God is the only explanation. I am so happy in my life (taking away begrudging feelings about the life of a grad student), and look so forward to what lies ahead of me. I'm not sure anyone else in my family has that, and I feel guilt over that each day. How did I come to be so blessed while everyone else is settling for stability? 
     Much of the anger has disipated disapated dissipated, and all of our actions are evident of that. Like I said, I still struggle with that, but I've seen the change God has made in me, just over the past five years. I hate to think about how long it took for me, with God, to come this far, and relate that to those I love most, who do not have that relationship. I pray for them each day often, that they find that peace, through God. I pray for myself as well, that the burden I feel for my family be constructive. I cannot handle on-going empty guilt and anxiety for the situation, so I ask You, God, help me know my place. Open hearts and minds, take over the anger.

Blow Up, Dry Up, Grow Up

     So, I've been reading Job. I'm about a month into the Bible-in-a-year chronologically plan. I couldn't honestly tell you where I got this plan from, but I turned it into a word document  on which I can mark finished readings, along with the date each is assigned to. Anyway,
     Job. I get it, I do. Satan is feeling all evil and powerful, and wants to show God that power. He finds the most righteous man on Earth, and wants to show God how easily even the most faithful will fall and curse His name. God wants to show him up. Growing up, I heard over and over how faithful Job had been--how he praised, honored, and worshiped God. Apparently, I'd never actually read Job until now, because I always pictured pages of Job, on his knees, spouting off praise and exaltations for the one stable, constant force in his life. As I sit here, I fail to recall ever hearing in conversation, Job being cited by verse, and I now understand why.
     He laments. Truthfully, he doesn't curse God, and he doesn't appear to lose faith. It's just conversation between friends, Job takes a stab at how much pain he's in, his friends try to console him, they talk about life for the wicked, and just ... lament together. The entire time I've read from this book, I just kept asking, "God, what does this mean for me?" It's not like Job is this beacon of light to strive for, in the praise and worship department. He's just a guy, in this crummy circumstance, who DID get angry, sad, and probably other emotion, and who DID NOT sit praising You unquestionably. I don't understand how his slightly philosophical conversations with his friends constitutes a Biblical book, and a reputation of greatness.
     This morning, I read chapter 32. It's not a long one--22 verses. It's written from Elihu, who is basically this kid, sitting amongst all of these older gentlemen, who are supposedly wise beyond belief. Only, Elihu doesn't believe that, not after sitting quietly in conversation with them while they lament about pain, the works of God, and how the wicked operate. This kid (who might actually be my age, maybe even younger...) is angry. He basically told these men, "I thought you were supposed to be wise, since you're old--why don't you have the answers?!"
     Oh, teen angst strikes again, old testament style. Yowza. He has a point though. I mean, none of us are wise, not really. I really appreciate the dynamic here. I also really appreciate the fact that none of us has the answers, but that we can learn from each person that comes into our lives. Being old does not make us wise, anymore than being young makes us foolish. Anyway, Elihu is basically sitting with all he wants to say, bottled up, and finally bursts (i.e. "Like new wineskins it is about to burst. Let me speak that I may get relief"). This just speaks to the passion that he has as a young man, who may or may not be afraid to grow like these old men, who seem now stale in their worship, without such passion. How do we balance passion with wisdom? Are the wise already impassioned?