I'm reaching; I can't let go.

So, my God documentation is lacking. That might be because my biblical reading has been severely lacking. I have to admit, when I started this blog, I began reading 1 Samuel. I still haven't finished 1 Samuel.
Not that I don't read it AT ALL ever. I do. In fact, I take part in a weekly bible study where we read various passages together. I completely suck at doing it on my own though. This is about to sound awful, but most of the time, it seems very textbooky to me. I have a very hard time maintaining concentration for more than one paragraph, and am left reading the same chapter over and over again, after my brain sidetracks to other mind distractions. Like, maybe my foot itches, so I scratch it, but then I realize that my toenail is all scraggly, so I start picking it. Soon, I realize I picked too far and need to get the clippers, aw crap, I've just read 3 chapters and have no. clue. what's going on. I go back. Reading, reading... s t r EEEEE ttch(stretch). Why am I so tired? It's probably because I need to get on a regular sleeping pattern. Or maybe I need to work out regularly. What's my schedule like tomorrow, I bet I can start a routine. Umm, I get out of work at 7, I can check out the textbook for class, take it to the elliptical, read a chapter while I work out. WOW. I just read the same 3 chapters again, and still have no idea what's happened. Over and over and over again.
Is that normal?

This semester sucks. I am stressed out all the time. I get worried that I won't have time to eat, so when I get the chance, I eat massive amounts of food. I'm so stuffed, I can't concentrate, can't get anything done. Well, now that I can't get anything done, I might as well have a snack. There is so much food around me, I need to eat it to get rid of it. It can't go bad. Oh, holy toledo, I wasn't even hungry, why did I just eat AGAIN?!
I think I have a problem.

I am not happy. School is suffering, I'm gaining weight(with 5 months left before my wedding), I do not socialize anymore, because I feel like I'm always trying to get things done, but yet I never get anything accomplished, so I start feeling bad about wasting time.
I wish I had an outlet.

I have a problem, God: I don't like anything. I tried art, music, sports, clubs, people, crafts... Why don't I have a passion?! Why don't I have that one thing that makes me excited about waking up? Why have I struggled with this my entire life? Why am I whining like a small child? Why don't I have that something that helps me escape? That thing that makes everything ok again? That thing I can take a break on, stabilize my mind, and get me revved up again? I want that, so so badly. I am such a blessed person, I've never had a need you have not met. Save, for this, God. I've always needed a passion. For as long as I can remember, I've needed something that I can feel totally encompassed in, that brings me to my safe, whole, happy self, with you.
God, I need sanity.